🗓️ Weeknote 2026-W21

2026-05-24 18:00

🩸 Health

My back recovered quickly. I was back at work this week with no major flair-ups. I am weening off the drugs, and upping my exercises. In a slightly related note, I decided to revamp my health folder to keep track of all my broken things:

zkbro@laptop:~/02-Areas/health$ tree -d
.
├── 2002-05-27-left-clavicle-fracture
│   ├── 2002-05-27-x-ray-and-surgery
│   ├── 2002-06-06-x-ray
│   ├── 2002-06-18-x-ray
│   ├── 2002-07-23-x-ray
│   └── 2002-08-26-pin-removal
├── 2004-07-08-thumb-puncture
│   └── 2004-07-08-x-ray
├── 2005-08-19-lower-back
│   ├── 2005-08-19-x-ray-and-ct
│   └── 2005-10-07-mri
├── 2006-02-15-dental
│   └── 2006-02-15-x-ray
├── 2007-04-18-lower-back
├── 2008-11-20-wisdom-teeth-removal
├── 2011-11-02-left-knee-and-right-ankle
│   ├── 2011-11-02-x-ray
│   ├── 2012-01-31-orthopaedic-surgeon
│   ├── 2012-02-16-mri
│   ├── 2012-02-24-orthopaedic-surgeon
│   └── 2012-04-03-orthopaedic-surgeon
├── 2012-12-18-left-shoulder
│   ├── 2012-12-18-mri
│   ├── 2013-01-11-doctors
│   └── 2013-01-25-orthopaedic-surgeon
├── 2017-10-23-thoracic-spine
│   ├── 2017-10-23-x-ray
│   └── 2018-03-13-mri
├── 2018-06-25-left-ankle-fracture
│   ├── 2018-08-15-doctors
│   └── 2018-10-12-mri
├── 2024-08-26-mental-health
│   ├── 2024-08-28-psychologist
│   ├── 2024-09-05-psychologist
│   ├── 2024-09-12-doctors
│   ├── 2024-09-12-psychologist
│   ├── 2024-09-17-psychologist
│   ├── 2024-09-24-psychologist
│   └── 2024-10-09-psychologist
├── 2025-02-25-ear-blockage
│   └── 20250225-hearing-test
├── 2025-07-04-arm-pain
├── 2025-07-04-dentist-regular-checkup
├── 2025-10-13-left-knee-pain
├── 2026-01-10-dentist-hygiene-appt
├── 2026-01-14-right-foot-pain
├── 2026-02-11-ear-blockage
├── 2026-05-01-mental-health
│   └── 2026-05-01-doctors
└── 2026-05-13-lower-back
    ├── 2026-05-13-doctors
    ├── 2026-05-14-physio
    └── 2026-05-21-physio

A lot of these were from me going through my physical stack of scans I have in the cupboard. There is a hell of a lot missing, like the hundreds of physio sessions I've had. A lot more dental too, but I'm not going to go through all my email appointments.

🏃 Activities

Hiking up Queenstown Hill
Rugged guerilla mountain bike trails leading into the woods
Into the inversion layer at the top

🏢 Work

In a post just two years ago posted on my old blog, just before I resigned my job as Business Process Advisor at my local Council, I wrote:

I've traded borderline burnout in my old role for something that's close to impostor syndrome in this one. Not good.

I was seeing a doc, Councillor and Psychologist to get me through day to day. In the end I left, and picked up a role in a completely different industry.

17 months later, I'm burnt out again. Or at least that is part of what is going on.

And again, I've resigned. This time I don't have a job to go to. I simply can't put on a face in a new job right now. I am too rattled. I need space. I also have no idea what I want to do. Right now the thought of career makes me sick.

My plan is to figure out how to not get myself into this position again. It destroys me. I have inklings of why these things happen, and I know they are going to take a lot of work.

I'm a people pleaser. I have low self-esteem. I beat myself up. I hate confrontation. I internalise. It's kind of a perfect recipe for this dark place I get myself into. I am sensitive, in that I have a high sense of things happening around me, so when there's something off I'll feel it, but because I don't like confrontation, I'll hang on to it, let it fester, even brush it off in conversation (people pleaser), then beat myself up about it, and form this new image of the environment that I live in. It's living in a state of fear, and I'm worried I've let that make me who I am.

There are legitimately bad things going on at work though, which I can't take responsibility for. Vick makes me feel less alone, and a bit better for not internalising this:

It's far from being the first time I was pushed into a burnout. And yes, I'm using the passive voice here intentionally. I don't mind the narrative of "every man is the artisan of his own fortune" but I also find it to be quite delusional and harmful when you try to take accountability for the things inherently out of your control. Reality-detached, irresponsible CEOs and management are the problem. Unhealthy, unmeasured, unsystematic and unpredictable workload is the problem. Employers treating adult people with adult qualities and adults needs like kindergarteners — both control and payload-wise — is the problem.

So although this stuff is for the most part beyond my control, I am still the receiver of many similar things every day, which wears me down. I do find little nuggets where I can make a difference, but it doesn't even scrape the surface.

What I can do though is remove myself. I should have done it a while back, not let it get to this point. That is what I need to work on - identifying when things are starting to wear me down, and doing something about it much much earlier.

I am going to rent my house out and go back to Australia for how long, not sure. I plan to see family, and some friends. I also want to hit the road for a bit. It will all depend on the income I get from the house. I'm not anticipating much, even though the property manager suggested otherwise.

I bumped into my old manager from Council today. She totally got what I was going through. She was feeling it too. It seems quite a thing for folk here in Queenstown. It is a unique place. It is upper class. There is ridiculous amounts of money going around from tourism and developments. With that is cut-throat drive and pressure from business owners so they can get the jobs and the cash. Never mind how unsustainable this growth is. This place drives locals out, and just leaves the thickest skinned who are OK with this way of life.

In 4 weeks I will be unemployed. I will wrap up sorting my house and possessions out and hop on a plane. I am looking forward to breathing again. I need this reset.

On a good note, the drive to work is quite beautiful these days, if a little cold:

Driving towards Wanaka

💻 Tools discovered

  • KOrganizer - Chose this desktop calendar over Thunderbird as it has better colour functions based on tags. I have added my Radicale CalDAV calendar hosted on my Raspberry Pi. KOrganizer is a component of KDE's Kontact suite, which includes mail, contacts, and even an RSS reader, but I'm just sticking with the calendar for now. I would like to use the email component, which looks tidy, but my free Outlook and Proton accounts don't have POP3/IMAP compatibility.

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